Wow! We couldn’t have much better weather for an Easter Bank Holiday – it has been really glorious. I left Robert grappling with the shingle roof of the summer house and drove over to see Mum in beautiful sunshine. The country side was looking so beautiful that I didn’t even mind getting stuck behind a very slow tractor for several miles as it gave me more time to see the view! I also laughed when a motor cyclist exposed his bare buttocks to the world – I think his trousers were just to small!!
Mum sadly was not having one of her better days. She seemed rather vague and I am not sure how much of my conversation she was able to comprehend. I wished her a Happy Easter and gave her a large Cadburys chocolate egg and a new night dress. She looked at the egg quizzically and asked me what it was. I explained that it was made of chocolate and that she could eat it after lunch if she wanted to. I poured her a small glass of white wine and attempted to engage her in conversation telling her about my recent trips to the cinema to see a live production of ‘As you Like it’ and a trip to our very sweet little theatre Play house in Northampton to see a play about a Lady in New York who starts buying books from a small bookshop in London. I am not sure how much she understood so after showing her my latest little bears and feeding her lunch and half of the Easter egg which had sadly softened in heat I put on an Andre Rieu DVD. She used to love watching his concerts and although she had no idea who he was she started to hum along to the music and said ‘ I think it is great that the BBC have put something like this on the TV today.’
We sat and watched the concert which had been recorded in Vienna together. She then suddenly started becoming agitated and said that she needed to go to work later but was not able to tell me where or what she was supposed to be doing. I tried to reassure her that she had not worked for over 30 years and she eventually settled down. She then said that she needed to go home as she was ‘going to go to Hell!’. I asked her why she wanted to go there and she replied that it was the ‘quickest route’!
For the rest of my visit she remained rather vague and disconnected; so much so that I asked her if she knew who I was. She replied that she didn’t and when I told her that I was her daughter she looked perplexed. I asked her if she knew what a daughter was and she said that she didn’t.
I am aware that my Mum is slowly disappearing but today seemed particularly upsetting. I am not sure how much she comprehends and if she just smiles and answers vaguely as she is now retreating in to her own little world.
I felt very upset as I left and shed a few tears. One of Mum’s carers came to have a chat with me and reassured me that most of the time Mum seems very happy. She chats away to her imaginary friends when she is awake and is usually very calm. She said that she had even been happy for them to hoist her to the bathroom earlier in the week. We both agreed that although this is a devastating disease it does seem to be worse for the relatives who have to watch their loved ones slowly disappear and fade away.
Very sad news today about suicide bombings in Sri Lanka – many people have lost their lives or been seriously injured. My thoughts and prayers are with them and their families as I wish everyone a very Happy and peaceful Easter.